Brian James Infield
a celebration of his life
13 April 2025
Gathering Music Brandenburg Concerto by Johann Sebastian Bach chosen by Brian Infield
Opening Words and Welcome written and read by Frances Tulley - Celebrant
Hello everyone and welcome. My name is Frances, and I have been asked to help with the ceremony for Brian this afternoon.
I think Brian would be really touched to see so many of you here in his home, where you have come many times for family occasions.
Today, this is a different occasion altogether, a loving celebration of Brian’s life. We will take time to mark this significant moment for all of you as we acknowledge his passing, and remember Denise.
He was a truly remarkable man in every way, and as his family and friends you know that very well. I have heard of his many positive attributes in the messages of condolence received by Claire: repeatedly, you have spoken of his warm-heartedness, his good-nature, wisdom, humility, integrity, and his genuine interest in people and his enthusiasm for life.
Not having Brian around will take time to adjust to. It will be different for all of you, because you will each have known your own unique version of him; and everyone grieves differently; there is no set of rules that we are supposed to follow in grief. So as we look back over Brian’s life, you may cry at the sad times, and because you miss him; you will laugh at the joyous and funny times, and whatever you do, and however you express how you feel, will be right for you.
In time the pain will soften, but for now be gentle with yourselves and each other.
As was his wish, Brian had an unattended cremation, and now, we have an opportunity to take time in remembrance and reminiscence, to honour and celebrate his life.
To begin, we light two candles, one for Brian and one for Denise, in acknowledgement of their 71 year loving partnership.
You are then invited to come and light tea lights, if you wish, taking your light from theirs.
These candles are lit as a symbol of love and gratitude for Brian and Denise’s lives…
Some of Brian’s favourite poems read by Mark Infield
The Life of Brian written by Neil and Mark Infield read by Frances Tulley
No, Brian was not the son of God, nor even a very naughty boy. But husband to Denise and father to David, Claire, Mark and Neil.
Brian James Infield was born in London in 1925 and died at the ripe old age of 99, here at Spanden.
Brian’s family on his father’s side originally came from Cracow (Krakow) in Poland. The family name was changed from Infeld to Infield by his father, Harry, after the First World War, even though he had fought with the name of Infeld, a German name, for the duration of the war.
Harry was something of a war hero returning to the front as a Major after almost dying at Ypres.
Brian’s mother, Ethel, was an entrepreneur, opening a chain of hairdressing salons in London and setting up perhaps the first serviced accommodation for business people in London. These were considerable achievements for a woman in the 1920s and 30s.
Brian was sent away to boarding school from the age of eight, which was common in those days. Although initially quite traumatic, he adjusted to life away from home and made some lifelong friends. Notably John Balcombe who went on to be Lord Justice Balcombe.
Next came Kings College at Cambridge University studying mathematics, He became captain of the boxing team and earned a ‘blue’ fighting as a feather weight nick-named ‘twinkle-toes’.
In the background was the 2nd World War. He was too young to fight but had to endure the torment of not knowing if his elder brother, Gerald, was alive or dead after he disappeared during the Battle of Arnhem. His relief was vast when they learned he had been captured and was in a prisoner of war camp.
Soon after the war Brian joined the RAF to do his National Service where he trained as an officer and worked in telecommunications. Immediately after being demobbed, he set off on his BSA 350 motorbike for a European adventure, driving down through war-wrecked Europe to visit his university friend, Chezori Vivante, who remained a life-long friend.
On his return Brian joined Gerald and Michael Graham in a flat in London. The three of them had a terrific time together and were in great demand amongst the ladies, especially due to Gerald’s impressive war record. It was at one of the regular tea dances they attended that Brian first met Denise, who then introduced Gerald to her cousin Ghislaine, his future wife.
Brian always had the greatest admiration for his brother Gerald who was five years older than him. They were closest of friends throughout their lives, each one stepping forward to help the other when help was needed, sometimes spending holidays together as one large family of four parents and nine children.
After dabbling with advertising for a brief period he joined the Marconi company in Chelmsford Essex. It was at this time that he met Denise Michaels and within a couple of years they were married, and David was born. Claire, Mark and Neil followed relatively rapidly with only six years between David and Neil. Initially the family lived in Hillside in the Essex countryside but moved to Laindon Ponds after the company moved factory to Basildon.
During this time Brian travelled extensively as the senior sales manager for the firm. He was away for up to one third of each year, visiting such far-flung locations as South America, Mexico, India, Japan, Australia, and Soviet Russia for several weeks at a time.
The amount of time away put a strain on family life. After a long overseas trip, he was alarmed when David asked, “When are you going home?” After explaining that he was now home David said, “No, not here. Where you live!” [MI1]
After thirteen years at Marconi Brian felt it was time to move on and found a management role with Philips, the electronics company, managing a television manufacturing company in Crawley. This led to the family moving here to Spanden in 1965. After a restructure by Philips, Brian felt it was time to move on and he became a London commuter working at Charterhouse Industries. There he managed several medium sized companies, including a fireworks company, one that made cakes using synthetic cream (not nice), Smith and Wesson who manufactured the Magnum hand-gun as used by Clint Eastwood in the Dirty Harry films, as well as companies making industrial generators and pressure values. His favourite photo of himself was taken at this time by legendary photographer David Bailey which you can see for yourselves on the order of service.
After yet another restructure Brian moved on, this time to BICC previously known as British Insulated and Calendar Cables. This was a very large conglomerate company, perhaps best known for building the noisy concrete section of the M25 motorway. His job was to prepare a corporate strategy for the company but after four years and two attempts the board decided they didn’t want a strategy after all and he left – a few short years later and the company fell apart and disappeared, all for want of a sound strategy!
By this time, Brian was becoming frustrated by poorly run companies and decisions to reduce investment in industries that actually made things in favour or finance companies that just made money. He decided to be his own boss. He found a brilliant electrical engineer, Justin Parsons, and together they created Field Electronics and set up business in Hove. During the twelve years Brian ran the company it grew to employ fourteen people and had solid profits every year. It was a success but did not see the spectacular growth he had hoped for. During this period Brian pioneered the use of personal computers and standard software for business management. This was revolutionary at the time and all self-taught.
At the age of 68 he sold the business and retired from business life., Selling the business allowed him to switch to a very active retirement. Amnesty International, town twinning with Milly-la-Forêt in France kept him busy and he spent 10 years sitting on and chairing the board of Tablehurst Farm. He even found time to write an engaging family history which he self-published and gave a copy to every member of the family..,
Though Brian studied maths and physics, had a good knowledge and understanding of electrical engineering and worked in business, he had many and diverse interests.,
He and Denise loved travelling. They toured New Zealand in a camper-van, explored the Greek mainland well away from tourist sites, driving and camping along the way. For 20 years they went cycling in France, visiting a different part each time. This allowed them to practice their French, which they both spoke well, and enjoy the pleasures of regional French food and wine, which both enjoyed. They visited Claire and Mark in Africa and joined Mark and Sandy in Vietnam. For many years, they took a week to walk in the Lake District, leaving the children at home. They continued walking in the Lakes well into their 80s.
Brian was passionate about classical music. He and Denise often went to the ballet and the opera, but Brian had a collection of albums and books of sheet music, and he enjoyed listening to a concerto of symphony while following by reading the musical score, conducting along. He always said that he would have liked to be a conductor but couldn’t master a musical instrument.
Another of his passions was poetry. As a young man he would travel with his favourite volumes of collected verse and had large numbers of poems that he had memorised. He was equally happy to recite Shakespeare or Tennyson as to share saucy limericks and doggerels of all kinds.
Perhaps his greatest and most sustained passion was for his family. He supported and encouraged the children. Unlike many parents of his generation, he never pushed them in a particular direction but supported them in whatever direction their interests took them. Though Brian would have loved to have handed his company to one of his children, he never put pressure on them to join him and took pleasure and pride in what they were doing.
Motorbikes, Computers and Business written and read by Neil Infield
Motorbikes
Motorbikes are not the first thing that spring to mind when you think of Brian. As we have heard, he was something of an intellectual with a passion for poetry and classical music. This is somewhat at odds with the leather clad greasy biker stereotype. I knew from an early age that father had been a keen motorcyclist in his youth. He would often reminisce about his post war trip to Europe. And how he would take Denise out for freezing cold rides as pillion. But it was only on re-reading his memoir recently that I was reminded his father was biker too. Harry bought a Douglas just after the 1st world war.
Father’s bike, a BSA 350 was a 21st birthday present from his parents. He said his 1945 model was a state of the art machine with new-fangled front suspension. But sadly, nothing on the back apart from a sprung seat. He drove it in all seasons using his RAF fur lined flying suit to keep him warm in winter. Almost immediately he set off with twelve pounds, a zip bag and two canvas army packs, across the channel. First stop was Paris and a visit to his French cousin Suzanne who took him firmly in hand, starting with a visit to a very risqué night club in Montmartre. Next Switzerland then over the Alps to Italy at dawn, a magical experience on a motorbike, though the descent was nerve-racking due to gravel on the hairpin corners. He made it all the way down to Naples before turning homeward.
The motorbike was part of his courtship of mother. Taking her on it in secret against the wishes of her parents. They may well have guessed when she returned with teeth chattering from the cold. Allegedly she often asked him to go faster. Like many bikers he hung on to his despite a growing family. But mother sold it off during one of his long trips abroad. So that was the end of that.
His example was something of an inspiration to us children, and we all ended up riding motorbikes at various times. And now Ben is making it five generations of Infield bikers.
Computers
Father was very much an early adopter when it came to technology. I think this is something he may have also inherited from his father. Examples include his Minnox spy camera, an electric carving knife (soon abandoned), the world’s first ‘pocket’ calculator, and a record player with human conductivity switches using the electricity in your finger. And not forgetting his adored and revolutionary Renault 25 executive cars with five doors, a talking computer and folding rear seats that could accommodate several bicycles.
But his interest and use of computers was even more impressive. In his memoir he describes being shown Leo the first commercial computer in the UK. It took up an entire floor of the Lyons company headquarters building and made a big impression on him.
By the late 1970s personal computing had arrived. I was studying Computer Science at school and father was very interested in the potential spreadsheets might have for his business. He presented me with a Sinclair ZX80, a very early home computer, and asked me to see what it could do. After a bit of exploring I explained I could create a blank spreadsheet with something like 120 cells in total. But then there wouldn’t be any memory left to put anything in it.
He upgraded to an Apple 2 computer and then early Microsoft powered PC’s. He experimented with the first spreadsheet programme Visicalc, subsequently moving on to Lotus 123 and of course Excel. As we have heard, he used spreadsheets to control every aspect of Field Electronics. He was always pushing what was possible and managed to link several spreadsheets together in a way that even today would be seen as high level programming. The accountants who came to check his finances at Fields were stunned by his level of sophistication. I was inspired by his example, to make the best use of computer technology in my working life.
Business
Perhaps not the catchiest heading to capture a key aspect of my father, but actually a great insight into his character.
Although he secretly wished to have been an academic, and was critical of his business career, he was in fact a great success. Working his way up from salesman to Managing Director and finally starting and growing his own business in his sixties.
And in stark contrast to the widely held belief that you need to be some kind of psychopath to be successful in business Brian was kind, thoughtful and supportive. He certainly wasn’t a push-over, and sometimes had to make some very difficult decisions. But he had emotional as well as intellectual intelligence, and really cared about the people he managed. Having had both a psychopath boss, and one more like Brian, I know I was much more productive with the later. And I modelled my management style on his.
During his time in business he saw the UK move away from manufacturing towards a service economy in particularly banking and finance in the City of London. And he did not approve. He felt that commerce had a responsibility to provide quality services and products that made people’s lives better, and reliable work that gave job satisfaction and reasonable pay.
At Field Electronics, his final company, they made useful products with a small friendly team he treated like an extended family, and who were equally loyal in return. In his quiet way he was an inspiration.
Slideshow of photos of Brian accompanied by Oboe Quartet in F major by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart chosen by Brian Infield
What I learned from my grandfather by Ben Infield
Sonnet 60: Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore written by William Shakespeare read by Rebecca Infield
Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand,
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.
Brian’s retirement role with Tablehurst Farm written and read by Farm Peter Brown
Invitation for memories from family and friends
Memories of Brian written and read by Sophie Buckle
It's really difficult to condense into a few minutes my time spent with Denise and Brian. When someone becomes a part of you life it’s often not just about the getting to know them personally but everyone else that is important to them also…the immediate and wider family, friends, colleagues, professionals and the wider community. So when we lost Brian back in February it’s not only him I miss but all of the wonderful people associated with him and Spanden that I have grown to know and love over the years. It’s so lovely to see you all here today to come together and celebrate Brians long and magnificent life back here at Spanden where it all started for me about 12 years ago!
I first came to Spanden thanks to a suggestion made to the family by Andria! A very logical solution that fitted in perfectly at that time with juggling part time work and my then two small children. The perfect commute just up the track to what eventually became my second home. What started as a few hours a week allowing Brian a little respite from the challenges of the early effects of Altzeimers taking hold on Denise…to navigating the whole unpredictable journey of the disease together and then focusing on helping Brian to live the last years of his life to the full, on his terms as he wanted in his home.
Working alongside live in carers Caroline and then Rebecca and also other professional companies such as Premier Care, bought in to help with Denise’s declining condition I learnt much along the way.
When the opportunity arose to take on the role of team manager, overseeing the running of the house and all who sailed in her, I couldn’t have been more honoured! And so with our merry little band of wonderful newly recruited ladies, Ionela, Darunee, Antonella, Zita, Gen, Dora and I fondly became known as ‘Team Denise’ and later ‘Team Brian’. Every one of these remarkable people bringing professional and unique qualities with them that contributed massively to Denise and Brians welfare and quality of life, whom loved them dearly and were loved and respected back in return.
I know speaking on behalf of them all, it was Brians qualities that made coming to Spanden so special. He was interested in everything and everyone. Took time to listen and to tell stories. Made you feel important and valued. Always appreciated everything you did, thanking you at every opportunity. He was very generous and thoughtful, whether through compliments on jobs done or on what you were wearing or for the fresh flowers arranged around the house. He always noticed. Brian had an eye for detail. He was meticulously smart and took pride in his appearance. Smart shirts with cufflinks and pressed trousers. Hankerchiefs! He always liked to keep his finger nails trimmed (my job) and his toenails (Kevin/Mr Chapman’s job) and was always grateful for maintaining these little things that were important to him. And likewise for the house, if things needed replacing, fixing or decorating Brian was grateful to call on his band of trusted, loyal professionals and friends, …Edward for the Aga and boiler, Mr Spicer to clean the windows, Barry and Mick for the decorating, Michael for the gardening, all whom willing came out to help…even at short notice when the Aga had gone out again or a rat had nibbled through a wire and tripped all the electrics or just on a routinely basis keeping Spanden well maintained, just as Brian liked it.
Brian referred to Denise as ‘the old lady’ but I don’t think he ever saw himself as the ‘old man’. It seems a long time ago now but he was still riding his bike into the village well into his nineties. He embraced keeping up with technology, spending lots of time on his computer, using it to keep in touch with friends and family around the world. He was sociable, keeping up with his friends at the twinning association, going on cruises abroad with his children and out to lunches with his grandchildren. Also to the theatre and cinema and using his mobile phone to keep up to date with Claires news nightly when she was away in Uganda. He was always up to date with current affairs, watching the news, reading magazines, watching sporting events and enjoying conversations with David, Neil and Mark about things going on in their lives and the wider world. He never lost being interested in anything.
In 2019 I lost my last remaining grandparent, my nan, whom I was very close to. Being at Spanden really helped me through this time. Like her house had been, Spanden is full of a lifetime of memories. In her house it had been her beloved antiques and my grandads paintings on every wall. Spending time with Brian within Spanden’s walls made me feel I had been gifted a bonus grandparent. He loved to show and tell Spanden's hidden treasures…from the drawbridge lowering down to bridge the staircase between David’s room and the attic, to the trapdoor in the playroom. He once gave me a tour of the cottage he’d had built and his workshop where he’d proudly crafted some amazing pieces of furniture. I love the many family photos adorning every surface proudly displaying his beloved grandchildren from toddlers to graduates. Snaps of Denise and Brian’s travels on bikes or skis and the varied artworks around the house each with an interesting story behind it that he would always willingly share.
I learnt early on Brain loved to cook. The kitchen is still full of chefs gadgets and pots and pans for every dish and occasion. At first I was slightly nervous at the prospect of cooking for Brian. However as he gradually stepped back, hanging up his apron strings and handing it over to me with recipes he fancied, found and printed off from the internet or from a bookmarked favourite in a well tried and tested recipe book I soon realised I had nothing to worry about. Not once did he complain or criticise and was easy to go to for advice, being very knowledgable from quantities, methods and top tips. He always had an exact and precise method for anything culinary even down to the simplest method of boiling the perfect soft boiled egg or making the best mashed potato…. in fact most things just included a generous amount of butter!
Alongside the food, I also obviously learnt a lot about whiskey and wine too!
I loved and miss Brians routines. He would religiously do something at the same time for months on end like taking a walk…four laps around the garden, clockwise, followed by a wee dram of whiskey at 11:00am with a packet of Walkers ready salted crisps! And then out of nowhere this might be radically altered to Hot Bovril replacing the Whiskey… for another equally long stint! Maybe he was just keeping us on our toes??
Another of these routines was in the mornings when he would come in to Denis’s room to use the ensuite shower. We would usually be helping Denise with breakfast, sat in her chair at the window, having already washed and dressed her. He would always come and see how the ‘old lady’ was doing first and then proceed to the shower. Once done he would loudly declare he was coming through, whereby we would theatrically cover our eyes or turn away as he tottered past, towel held at the front to protect his modesty but always a flash of his little pink bare bottom as he exited across the landing!
Brian had a great appetite for good food but also a voracious appetite for reading. He would spend hours devouring books, reading fiction, non-fiction, books written in French, reading and re-reading old favourites.
He also enjoyed a good TV series. There were a few standard ones you’d expect a nonagenarian to enjoy…Attenborough of course, Poirot but mostly he relished a Great British gritty drama. The more violent, sex and nudity fuelled with lashings of bad language the better. Brian introduced me to some of my now most loved series…the likes of Peaky Blinders and Slow Horses. It always tickled me coming into the house to see gentle Brian sat sipping his tea with the TV at full volume blasting out eye watering expletives and him not even batting an eyelid!
I can’t finish without quickly mentioning Brians relationship with the infamous Beasty! Probably not a relationship he would have ever expected… a rescue cat chosen by Denise against all advice not to have ‘that one’!! Although not always paw in hand but often claw in hand it wasn’t always plain sailing with Beasty, but against all odds she proved to be his most loyal companion and biggest fan! Where he went, she went! Although fed and attempts at petting and grooming were undertaken by everyone else she only had eyes for one man! Always at the foot of his bed, curled up by his head on the back of the sofa or in his lap she became his absolute constant companion right to the end. No matter how she tortured and tormented the rest of us with her claws, fur-balls and half dead offerings left on the carpet you had to forgive her for her special bond with Brian.
Brian truly was a loving, gentle, gracious, special man that I am so grateful to have known and I will miss him greatly and remember him always.
Words of Thanks for Brian life written and read by Frances
We give thanks for Brian’s life and all he means to you.
We give thanks for the love and the life he shared with Denise, and latterly, the dedicated caring, and kindness he gave to her.
As your father, David, Claire, Mark and Neil, he showed you how to live your lives with integrity, purpose and respect.
As your grandpa, he was warm, engaged and interesting, and you had very special times with him…
For everything he contributed in his professional life, the people he helped, influenced and inspired, we are thankful for.
For the friendships he made; they were precious; you mattered to him as he did to you…
We ask that David, Claire, Mark, Neil and all of you who love and care so much for Brian are held tenderly as you adapt your lives to the changes that lie ahead.
Now, we acknowledge that Brian’s life is complete. The fun, the challenges, the creating, the work, has run its course; but, the love remains, and always will.
When the time is right, Brian and Denise’s ashes will be scattered in their favourite places, and the wondrous cycle of life continues on…
Thank you, Brian and Denise, for everything….
Closing Music Brandenburg Concerto by Johann Sebastian Bach chosen by Brian Infield
*****
Messages Received
As you know I loved your dad such a wonderful person so kind and thoughtful. He was always there to help me during my time in London when I was having difficulty making decision about something he was always there I’m glad his test was peaceful and that family was there. I’ll give you a call in the next couple of days just to see how you are much love, Shena
*****
Brian was a truly remarkable man, wise, warm-hearted, and someone whom I cherished and admired. I know he will leave a big hole in your lives and I hope you are bearing up. Love Libby & Bruce
*****
I miss everyone very much. Since Denise died I felt a massive change. Then our dear Brian followed suit. They both left an empty space in my heart. I was so used with coming to Spanden in all the seasons of the year, it feels odd now that my footpaths to work have changed. I enjoyed the mudd in the winter and spring when crossing the field, which sometimes was flooded. I had the pleasure of swimming through the high grass in the summer and admired the colours of the autumn. Spanden was there, waiting calmly. I enjoyed the quiet days in the house and the very busy ones when family was around. I have got very familiar with all the sounds over the years. There was the warmth of a good fire in the cold days and the joy of the garden in the summer light. I miss all that, but mostly I miss Denise and Brian.
I used to talk to Denise and imagined we had a conversation, because sometimes I thought she was reacting to what I was saying. Sometimes she looked tired and I was just whispering. I remember the walks I had with Brian around the garden and the cat following us. She made us laugh with her joy of climbing various things. Brian was describing the garden to me every single time and I was listening and walking beside him. He was such a gracious man, always polite and grateful. I never heard a bad word spoken in the house, never a complaint, never been corrected. I never felt so appreciated in my life. By working at Spanden I raised myself on so many levels. The opportunity of this work pushed me further than ever before in many aspects of my life. If I ever leave with something from the experience of working at Spanden, is that I am a better human being than I was before. It taught me so much about myself and raised my standards in all aspects of my life. I know better now just because I had this blessing. I will be ever so grateful. Ionela